When a business gets stuck moving forward, it often uses data-proven tools to change company policies or perspectives and solve problems. For parents, it’s common to feel disconnected from their teens as they seek independence. While the door-slamming and eye-rolling are challenging, pushing parents away is designed to help them let go as they transition into adulthood. This developmental phase is known as individuation and separation. The frustration for parents is feeling the same situations are happening repeatedly, and nothing is moving the needle. The same business tools below can help give a name to and better understand their teen's behavior and what is happening in their developing brain. 

Value 

Research shows that employees work harder and stay on the job longer when they feel appreciated and valued. Your teen is no different; they want to contribute to adult conversations by sharing ideas and opinions. Teens want nothing more than to make their parents proud, and when parents dismiss their ideas, their self-worth is affected. 

You don't have to agree with their ideas, but validating them is key. Gentle reminder: your teen's opinion is not set in stone and will change often. Again, a teen brain is focused on separation and individuation right now. 

Here is how valuing and having a different opinion at the same time can sound: 

"That's an interesting way to look at it," 

"I never thought of it that way," or "I'm not sure I agree, but I see your point of view." 

Certainty 

We like knowing the general game plan at work and are often uncomfortable with unexpected changes because our primitive brain wants to predict outcomes and ensure safety. Despite what teens say, their brain thrives on clear rules and expectations to feel safe. Their brain is still learning to reason, think critically, and regulate emotions, and knowing what to expect helps them feel secure during this developmental phase.

Just as high school provides structure, systems, and clear expectations, parents can mirror this at home. By writing out your expectations and consequences, you eliminate surprises. So when your teen inevitably pushes boundaries, there is no guessing game regarding consequences, as you already have a system helping you both feel less stressed. 

Autonomy 

Humans crave a sense of control over their decisions. As an employee, no one feels good being micromanaged by a boss. Teens, in particular, are hypersensitive to being micromanaged by their parents. A parent's gut instinct wants to shield their kids from making mistakes or feeling difficult emotions. However, emotional growth is only learned from facing these challenges. When teens are free to make mistakes and experience setbacks, they develop resiliency and self-confidence. 

Tribe 

No matter our age, we all seek a place where we feel a sense of belonging. When you think of your past employment, there were likely some jobs where you felt part of a cohesive tribe, while others may have felt fractured or cliquish. The same applies to teenagers. 

Some high schools are inclusive, while others may leave students feeling isolated. Compared to adults, teens have limited options for finding connections independently unless they work or can drive. Parents can help by encouraging their teens to join after-school clubs, volunteer, or join an off-campus program. Your teens' tribe is where, at the moment, they feel they fit in, even if it doesn't make sense to you.

Respect 

Being respected at work contributes to lower stress levels, higher self-esteem, and job satisfaction. Our boss and coworkers' respect gives us a psychological safety net. Parents want their teens to open up and ask for help, but this won’t happen if they don’t feel respected. Respect from peers and parents is the ultimate end goal for teens right now. 

When teens feel accepted by their parents, they learn to respect themselves, make better choices about their social groups, and walk away from those who don't respect them because they have you as a psychological safety net. 

The above business model is based on 5 Ways to Spark (or Destroy) Your Employees’ Motivation.